거짓말 거짓말 거짓말 - 이적

One of my guilty pleasures is watching Korean TV shows. Well, two Korean TV shows. One of those shows is "K-pop Star", which, as its name suggests, is a music audition programme aimed at finding the next K-pop Star. It sounds corny and lame, but I really enjoy it. There are some brilliant performers on the show, and each of their stories is touching. Every single contestant loves music and wants to make it as an artist. Some of them have been struggling for years to make it. At a time when chasing one's dreams often seems like an unrealistic and unrewarding pursuit, I'm reminded that there is real beauty and meaning in having a deep passion for something and giving your all to have a decent go at it.

The other night, a contestant on K-pop Star sang a song called "거짓말 거짓말 거짓말" by 이적, a Korean musician I like. He writes his own songs, and they always move me and make me think. I hadn't heard this particular song before. Before the contestant began singing, one of the judges explained the story behind the song. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, when life in Korea was a daily uphill battle for most of the impoverished post-war population and it was a huge struggle to barely survive, it was common practice to abandon children - less children equals less mouths to feed. Parents would take their child to an amusement park, dress them up in their best clothes and buy them whatever they wanted for the day, give them all the fun and happiness in the world, then leave them there, never to return again. The parents would tell the child to wait there, "Mummy will be right back," and leave forever. I don't know what normally happened to the child - I imagine he or she was expected to die, and often did. The song's lyrics are from the abandoned child's perspective. 

이적 has explained the song himself in another TV programme:

"사는 게 힘들어서 자식마저 버리는 일이 있었던 때 이야기다. 유원지에 사람이 많은 날 가장 좋은 옷을 입히고 원하는 건 다 사주고 기다리는데 엄마가 안 온다. 버림받은 아이는 어떤 마음이었을까. 세상에서 가장 사랑하는 사람에게 버림받은 마음을 노래해 보자는 마음으로 불렀다."

After hearing this back story, I could not stop crying during the performance. Unfortunately the contestant didn't make it through to the next round, but she definitely moved me. What a gem of a find. 

다시 돌아올 거라고 했잖아
잠깐이면 될 거라고 했잖아
여기 서 있으라 말했었잖아
거짓말 거짓말 거짓말

물끄러미 선 채 해가 저물고
웅크리고 앉아 밤이 깊어도
결국 너는 나타나지 않잖아
거짓말 음 거짓말

우우 그대만을
하염없이 기다렸는데
우우 그대 말을
철석같이 믿었었는데
우우우우우
찬 바람에 길은 얼어붙고
우우우우우
나도 새하얗게 얼어버렸네

내겐 잘못이 없다고 했잖아
나는 좋은 사람이라 했잖아
상처까지 안아준다 했잖아
거짓말 거짓말 음

다시 나는 홀로 남겨진 거고
모든 추억들은 버리는 거고
역시 나는 자격이 없는 거지
거짓말 음

우우 그대만을
하염없이 기다렸는데
우우 그대 말을 
철석같이 믿었었는데
우우우우우
찬 바람에 길은 얼어붙고
우우우우우
나도 새하얗게 얼어버렸네

철석같이 믿었었는데

거짓말 거짓말 거짓말

This song breaks my heart. 너무 슬프다. 어떻게 우리 민족은 불과 50년전에 아이들을 버릴 정도로 가난하고 못 살았을까. 내 모국의 역사가 불쌍하고 마음이 아리다. Another heartbreaking thing is, a lot of people (including 이적 himself) have said this song reminds them of the Sewol ferry disaster of April 2014, where over 200 high school kids drowned in a sinking ship because they were told by the crew, incredibly, not to move from their bunks as the ship capsized. And as they were drowning, nobody came to save them. Not in time, anyway. By the time the rescue operations were properly underway, it was too late. The disaster defies all meaning. Families of the victims are still hurting and their protests for answers are becoming muffled as the nation slowly forgets. 이런 일들을, 죄없는 피해자들을 잊으면 안 된다는 걸 오늘 다시 깨달았다.

참 오랜만에 어떤 노래를 듣고 이토록 서럽게 울어본 것 같다. 

G.